I admit it I'm one of those people. Those annoying ass people who make you want to go running screaming from the building.
In fact, If it wasn't for my sense of humour and sometimes cute photos of my kiddos and hubby you would probably steer clear of my posts and definitely stay away from me at parties. But try as I might I have a hard time not doing it..not doing it for The D.
My Mom said I was this way as a kid. And welp ...she didn't like it either.
And If pressed I admit it's downright inconvenient this thirst I have for the D.
This insatiable hunger I have for going DEEPER...figuring things out knowing more.
Most days I feel downright chased down by my inner desire to wanna figure things out. Figure people out...Me out...the kids out, the hubby out, my family out, my friends out, society out, the way things work out.
To go DEEPER!
Friends and family know this scenario all too well ...they call or come by just to make light passing conversation get a few things off their chest.. you know complain a little just to lighten their load ... and before they know it there I go with ...solutions ideas studies, programs, books lists, documentaries...
WOW DAHN!!! REALLY!!
I'm sorry, there I go... doing it for the D again!
From the connection between health and food ...the depletion of the planet and our excessive lifestyle or screens and my kids developing brain.
I'm all in it from A-Z...the homeless and wrinkles. A sexy body and #BlackLivesMatter Spiritual aptitude and getting rid of varicose veins. I wanna know how to grow my hair long and how to stay in love...like really in love. I'm obsessed with communication and relationship skills. I feel like life is passing oh so quickly and I just want to live it fully like really pay attention. The end of each day has me playing back my day to make sure I spent enough time focused on the right things. The things that help me understand my life this world ... the tools that help me go DEEPER.
My overall philosophy is that "if you have a pain make a plan". No need to suffer from things others have spent their whole life studying and researching.
So I work out most days and take cold showers afterwards, I intermittent fast, I face massage and scalp massage. I hang from a bar outside for 1 min daily. I take herbal tonics and sit with my kids in their rooms listening to things that they love that make my ears bleed. I read and read. I pay attention to the hubby even when he's annoying me. I watch documentaries and adjust my lifestyle accordingly. I try hard to eliminate plastic I try to compost and dare my family not to conserve water. I raise money for causes I believe in and drink things that well otherwise I would consider undrinkable. All for the D.
But over time I've learned too much, D ain't the way either. You become known as a Lil miss know it all. I've lost friendships and alienated people because of my D thirst. So for a while to keep the peace I held back. I didn't share I faked it. I didn't want to be disliked or for people to feel judged. So I didn't show up as me fully.
But that pendulum swing is not the answer either.
So I decided to go in once more to deep dive into the idea of adding The B... BALANCE
Through taking B I have learned to be fairly normal in society and fun at parties ...for the most part:) Those who know me well know when I'm off my meds when I'm travelling with my soapbox. (I mean it is portable after all). When I can't reign it in. Cuz hey sometimes it's necessary to go in!!
REALLY BE FOR SOMETHING and Stand up for What you believe in!! You gotta know when It's that time too!
But in the every day I try to tweak my B and learn to just BE.
To let it BE to trust to accept and to know that everything is going to be okay. I am fully aware that I definitely don't have all the answers I'm just a work in progress like everyone else. Through all of my good intentions, I understand that too much D can lead to Controlling, Fanaticism. You know that whole road to hell and the good intention thing right..?.
So I take my B meds daily. Whenever I run out lucky for me the hubby has them in steady supply. I work hard to relax ...eat cookies and cake on the weekends. I try to practice listening to others points of view. I allow room for others to be themselves even groups I deeply disagree with. Because that's what it's all about from what I can tell ...allowing room for all of us.
And more than anything I allow myself the freedom to be myself as well.
I try hard to show up authentically not in fear of being judged for all my d loving ways. After all there is a place for me too.
To offer up what I believe in
what I have learned so far...
to this amazing Feast of Life ...in hopes of finding others who thrive on this D too!