I’ve been annoyed and impatient and pissed and angry and varying degree’s of all of the above for the past couple of months.
Stuff is happening. Stuff is starting, other stuff is ending and still other stuff is taking way too long to happen. I needed stuff to be Done! And my nerves be frayed like seriously really frayed! Now i’m usually a pretty happy person but just the fact that my happiness feels so fleeting has added to my annoyance (doesn’t everything). I mean I can’t even get “staying happy” right! Aaaahhhhh!! There is always so much to get done. Things to remember, things to accomplish. Lists of things to DO! And until my thighs are slimmer, my book is published, my show is on the air and the kids are fed and bathed every night until they are 21…Well there is no time for slacking!!
I caught myself smirking at something the other day. Which wouldn’t have been such a big deal had I not caught myself doing it. I literally caught myself mid smirk. Ooops. The object of my smirkiness was so of no consequence that it took me aback. I was smirking at a bag of cookies. To my credit I had just bought said bag of cookies (from a kid raising money.) Now I thought they were homemade…and well they were Not…they were Chips Ahoy!!! WTH GASP!!! I was smirking at the kid and the mom…I mean how could she!!! Is that any way to raise a child…? The nerve of her to buy a bag of chips Ahoy and then re-package them in baggies (to give the appearance of homemade-ness). Seriously who does that!! I was justified in my smirk and if you had been there you would have smirked to.
Uhm Excuse me. Are you really ragging on a bag of cookies…Uhhh Seriously!!
I decided that this unattractive smirky look had taken up residence on my face. I was starting to look like those people who look like they are perpetually smelling something “stinky”… like all the time. My sharp slanted side eye reminded me of a crumudgen-y old Fart or a constantly bored and cynical teenager. Both add wrinkles are a pain in the butt and you pray they will grow or go!!
I decided this Bad attitude needed to be gone!!!…kick rocks..adios… don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya…Out Damn Spot OUT!!!
So today I woke up and decided (nope nothing in my world had changed) but I decided. I wasn’t mad anymore.
And on my morning run I decided to forgive everyone and everything from known and unknown offenses. I forgave the grocer for packing my bags too heavy ( I hardly made it out to my car oh my aching back) , the cleaners for forgetting to apply the 20% discount to my blouse (that’s $2 that could have been used elsewhere) . I forgave the online traffic school for taking so damn long to finish ( seriously a whole work day and into the night) and the kids for not taking their dishes off the table and placing them in the sink (seriously how hard is that). I forgave the “Witness” (for Jehovah) and the Underprivileged students (their words not mine) who are always selling various (overpriced) items (mostly magazines) at my door (GoodHousekeeping for $72 Say What!!) I forgave my hubby for being gone visiting his family when I wanted him home ( I needed his hugs to save me from my bad mood). I forgave the shoes that didn’t fit and now I had to take them all the waaaaaayyyy backkkkkk to the MALL. I forgave my show for taking so long to hit the air ( really it should be on by now) And the fly for landing on my cake and the champagne for going flat!!
But most of all I forgave myself. I decided that my sturdy thighs are doing their job amazingly well, (case in point running up this hill). That eating half of my sons grilled cheese sandwich was not gonna bring down the house. I then decided for extra good measure that I should be off the hook for feeling blue and that I would be more organized, positive, kind, patient, efficient, successful and easy going… later.
But for right now…
I was not Mad No Mo!!!
And it felt Oh so Good!!