I see the New Year out the corner of my eye…
I’m not ready
No period. No exclamation point! No comma. No … and anyone who knows me knows how I love a dot, dot, dot.
I took down my decorations today.
I took the garland the wreath and all of the ornaments off the tree (bare tree is now in the corner). It looks lonely and lost. I did it efficiently in a bit of a daze. I thought how interesting this all is, to do it all again each and every year. Taking down, putting up, taking down, putting up. Hmmm
I know that it is tradition and for the most part I love tradition. I enjoy the doorways that lead us into past, present and future by the rhythm of a repeated pattern.
But again for some reason this season, I was viewing it all with a bit of a side eye. Not full in. Not in the reason or the season. Don’t get me wrong I did have my moments of tingly warmth. But mostly I would find myself mid furrowed brow and then catch my kids in the midst of their delight and it would snap me back into the moment, the present.
Oh how I treasure the world through their eyes. The rosy hued, hand print smeared glasses that gleans delight from toys under the tree and cookies and milk set out. How the simplicity of the equation is so clear for them.
Aaahhh how much bliss is this recipe.
I sat a for a time last night in front of the tree and the lights and I took a moment. A moment to divine my mood. What is it my lady. What has your brow so creased? Personally I have been striving hard and hacking my way through a forest of “in over my head-ness” and all the fears that new endeavors unearth.
But with so much to be thankful for like health and family and life and food and shelter, you know all the basics, done and done. I knew there must be more.
I realized the turmoil of the world had played a large part. Aahh what a year it has been. So much to protest, so many to mourn, so many things to right. The desire to see peace but true peace was a pain that marred my holiday sight.
I breathed a silent prayer.
I prayed that though the labor for peace on so many fronts be long and painful, that the birth of a new day in our world be worth the wait.
I breathed deep and in the breathing I felt a glimmer of lightness return to my soul.
I am certain that it is only through finding ones own joy can we impart it to the world.
So I knew I needed to find my joy again.
So tonight I decided to make a post Christmas not quit New Years ready List…
No not a resolution but a gift list for the universe to grant me this year.
I decided that it is not things I want but feelings.
I want to feel… Smooth Soft Lean Yummy Cuddled Loved Cared for
I want to be… Clear Precise Sexy Peaceful Purposeful Powerful
I want to experience Fullness Expansiveness Bounty Abundance
No wrapping necessary…
happy new year…