Yummy Tribe It's #LoveMonth and this week I'm talking about raising up our kiddo's and wow what an important subject it is. Loving on them, especially during the teenage years is so Important. I want to just take a minute to share a few ideas of what I do with my kids and what it has taken for me to do what I feel is best by them. I'm sharing things I live by...things I'm sure of.
Yes some are controversial, odd and yep difficult to do but who said this job was gonna be easy #SorryNotSorry
I take full responsibility for raising them. Full responsibility like if they turn out rotten, self centered, rude, unkind, helpless, I'm gonna assume they are this way because of me. I mean who else am I gonna blame? Teachers, the government, other kids, their grandparents, the other parent? I could of course, and yes that will definitely factor in. But being a victim to all of these things leave me not doing all I can to push back on these factors. For me I have decided that until they are 18 years old while they are still in my care I will do everything I can to make sure I do this job the very best I can. I will read books. I will seek help. I will research, I will talk and try and experiment and try something new and talk and research and try UNTIL. Until they are 18! I will make sure that I am healed so I can actually be there for them. I'm not a victim of their ways and habits and bad behavior I am proactive. I will assume that everything is #Figureoutable and so it is up to me as their parent to Figure it OUT! I have decided that I am completely dedicated to this thing of raising them. I put my whole soul into it. I let nothing get into the way of being what they need to grow healthy and strong. Not a job or career or a man or woman. They are my kids and I am responsible for and to them....PERIODT.
#2 I listen.
Yes I want to yell, scream and instruct telling them what to do all of the time. But I do not Scream...pretty much ever. And yes I do instruct and tell them what I think they should do a lot of the time... but I am here to get to know them and find out what is going on with them. I am here to understand how their minds work and what life feels like to be them. There is a tenant I live by that is truly hard to do especially with teenagers but it is..."Seek first to Understand and then to be Understood" it is one of the 7 habits of highly successful people and yeah it works really well with kids too. With my listening I don't judge. Yep I know judging is so first mind and so easy to do. But it seldom helps. Judging is basically thinking..."why" and ..."how in the world are you" and "I can't believe you actually feel think and believe and act this way". Stop being judgy and actually seek to understand. When I understand and don't judge I can actually think of ways to help. Case in point. You find out your kid is watching porn (real story). Judgy Mom clutches pearls starts railing on & on with " I can't believe you's and adds things like "We didn't raise you to be acting this way" etc etc. Listening non judgy Mom is curious. Tell me why you are feeling the need to watch porn? How do you think this is shaping your personality. What are you learning about Men and Women and their relationships by watching porn. How do you know if everyone that is doing porn are free to choose to engage in this act? We discuss sex trafficking we look at statistics. We look at if there is violence involved whether condoms are used. We talk about Male and Female roles in society ways that gender roles create stereotypes that are then carried out into the world in misogynistic ways. We talk about their age and do they think it is positive to watch porn right now in their development. We decided from the conversation what to do next. I can then decide to check their phone weekly or put blocks or whatever responsible parenting thing that follows... but we have first talked about it truly talked and I have listened.
#3 I do not throw Money where Time goes!
We all want to give our children things. Toys, tech gadgets and oh Sweet Lord we want to give them experiences, we want them to be "well rounded" #DeepSigh Baseball lessons and guitar lessons and track & field... lessons. We want them to be involved in Girl Scouts and Cub Scouts and Tech programs and Clubs and well the list goes on and on. Most times these things involve time and money. Now of course during the #Pandemic we have had almost 0 ways to farm these parts of making our days doable out. But even now. Even after a long day of homeschooling and being well...home all day. #SMH There is such a thing as quality time and just instructional time. As in instructing them to do things, pick up things, start things, finish things. But that is not the time I'm talking about. I'm talking about spending time listening to their stories, playing video games, watching memes, asking them about said memes, dancing, singing, reading books and just plain ole sitting around and goofing off... together. So right now before the world picks up...before you finish researching all the things you are gonna sign them up for "as soon as" Make sure you are not throwing money at a time with them thing.
#4 I speak positivity to and about them!
I tell my kids daily they are destined for amazing things. I "imaginate" them into their days, expressing to them how they were born into this world because they have something of greatness to give to it that only they can give. I fill them up with the majesty of awesomeness they are. We start the day with this understanding of who and what they are. We end the day the same way. You are magic, you are light, you are capable you are perfectly suited, you are strong, you are wise. I expect great things from them because of it. I set boundaries for them because of this. I create house do's and don'ts around this idea. I tell them how much I trust their judgement. How much I believe in them to make great decisions. When asked about them I speak positivity. They are amazing kids... these are the things we are working on. I see awesomeness in them but we are being challenged on these fronts. We are in this together me, Daddy and the kiddos. We are looking for ways to do great and be great!
#5 I teach them!
I used to do a weekly session called "Spirit time" that we talked about our minds bodies and spirits. We talked about life lessons and how we are feeling. We also did regular sex educational classes. We talked about our bodies how we are feeling what we are thinking as it relates to our bodies. Age appropriate of course. Now I have taken it up a notch I teach them what I call 0 Period class! I am their first teacher of the day. 7am every morning, I enter their room with a clip board I call roll and and start class:) We are learning the 7 habits of Highly Successful Teens by Sean Covey and they are loving it. Instead of requiring them to read a book. I'm reading the book to them. They get to lay in bed and listen, learn, talk and follow along. It's magic hour as they learn tools that they need to become effective adults. It's a #WinWin (hint it's one of the habits:) Yay and Yay! I fluff their pillows and they listen. For the first hour of the day we talk, laugh and cry and share our way into the days and speak wonder into their lives.
I know they will never forget this time. The time that I spend with them raising them up with tools they are going to need to be their strong magic selves in this world.
Here's to us and our Babies!