Don’t expect much from this blog post today, I’m just happy to be posting. I have been in a fit of a snit and have not been able to write for 3 weeks. I have been low and sad and well, It’s nice to be writing again please ignore all typos and errors they were sent from a “just gotten up girl”.
I don’t know if you noticed or not but my blog is all shiny and new.
a l m o s t.
I think it looks lovely and except for the fact that in the transition my content of blogging for 4 years was lost I would be ecstatic. All of my posts about my highs and lows, the funny and the poignant . All of the proof of the “likes” and the comments all …
36 people read that one, 42 read the other. I must be somebody. They must really like me. I must be good if they left a comment.
My oh my. What store we put in our doodlings.
The last 4 years have seen me on one passion project after another. Some, film, script, show, blog, magazine …idea after idea. I have flung myself in full force. Writing, shooting, planning, blogging, building, plotting, planning. Well I flung myself one time too many and the force of not having it go the way I planned, (ultimate success and world domination) had me hit a wall and slide down all cartoon style.
In that downward slide I felt so lost from myself that I just didn’t have much to offer. So I did what I do best I cried and focused on what I could do. What made me feel ok for awhile. Wifey-dom, mommy hood, person hood. I did some social media quit begrudgingly. Wept quit a lot and kept moving. I worked out, I cooked dinner, I cleaned house, I saw school plays, I did dishes. I prayed twice a day 3 times on Sundays. I read books and I waited.
To feel a shift in the wind. To feel my feet hit a familiar cadence to feel my way coming back into focus.
What I know is…
I am here to add my flavor of delight and wonder to the world. That is my inner song. How can I add some shine some sparkle some magic to the moment, those are my persistent thoughts. How can I draw out the desire to think and mull over who and what and why we are here. This is my hearts longing. Whether I do it through writhing, acting, workshops or how I dress this is the passion that pulls me forward.
This life it takes time . It takes failures and successes. It takes 3 steps forward and 20 steps back to do it. The goal is to not count your hand until the journey is over. You are not a failure you just had a bad day, month, year, decade. But all of that was yesterday.
So it is was with great relief that I awoke and I felt lighter. I caught whiff of a new scent in the air. My eyes fluttered open and I felt calm and peaceful.
Thank the good Lord!
Today I don’t have to push prod or poke, because…
On my feet …on my own steam, in my right mind… thinking great thoughts, singing a new song.
In the drivers seat, in front of my life, breathing in a new day and really feeling that way.
Ready to begin anew start fresh put my hand to the plow once again.
One foot in front of the other.
Break down ….Break through
I can’t wait to see what new adventure awaits me now that I have gotten up!