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Joy anyhow!

She’s so funny and charming and you’d love her if you met her. She’s also deadly and mean and unkind.

My mother .

She’s gotten shorter ...

I’ve only seen her once in the last two years ... and she’s getting older. She came into town last month to celebrate her birthday and visit my sister. I agonized over whether to see her or not.

You see I spoke to her last right after my breast cancer diagnosis.  2 years ago.

As our story unfortunately always goes ...

She started out concerned and comforting then two weeks in found her slicing me in pieces as she wondered aloud how my lack of upholding good Christian values (I have a small Buddha figure in my home) might have brought on this present condition.

She of course being the good Christian she is couldn’t stick around after that.

“Yes of course”

As I spoke to her last week 

I reminded her that we hadn’t really spoken since 2 years and 3 surgeries ago ... I wondered aloud what she would have thought had I died on the operating table.

She told me she had prayed mightily and was perfectly at peace that I wouldn’t.

That’s nice to know. 

We laughed and talked she played with the kids. 

She’s getting older 

It’s taken me a whole week to process her visit. The process is ... crying , talking, writing, meditating, grounding, releasing, sage Ing and more talking.

Releasing the idea of this relationship being more is the reality...

Being whole when once you were shattered takes focus and discipline and a insatiable appetite for joy! 

I am feasting on it right now. 


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